Author spotlight: Gemma Morgan, author of Pink Camouflage
Gemma shares an extract from the opening of her book…
February 2024
Dear Reader,
Checking in to a mental health hospital wasn’t part of the plan. This book wasn’t either. I spent years in hiding trying to maintain the facade, after all I believed it was my fault; I accepted that something was fundamentally wrong with me.
I began writing as a form of therapy, trying to make sense of it all. For years, the pages sat locked in a secret drawer because I felt a deep loyalty to the British Army. Then I read the recent cases of Officer Cadet Olivia Perks, Royal Artillery Gunner Jaysley Becks and hundreds of testimonials from serving women in the Atherton Report. The Army says that it has made changes and that mine is a historical case. Recent evidence strongly suggests that there has been little meaningful change.
And so, I feel it is my duty to share my story with you. I’ve included some of the most heart-rendering, positive and painful moments of my life. Whilst some names and personal information has been changed to preserve anonymity, I have battled to describe my experience with unfiltered honesty.
Staying silent nearly killed me. Now, for the first time, this is my whole truth. I hope that it may give strength to anyone else who is suffering. It is for you and for those that love you that I have found my voice. This is me and for that I make no apology.
Take care, love, Gem
Her husband found her by the roadside, delirious and choking on her own vomit. Gemma Morgan was 33, happily married with two young children, an outstanding army service record and a first-class international sporting career.
But underneath she was a wreck, surviving on a cocktail of vodka, Valium and sleeping pills. Misogyny, sexual abuse and toxic masculinity had been the daily realities of her Army career long before being deployed unarmed and unsupported to the blood and mayhem of a war zone.
When Gemma gave birth to a baby girl, motherhood left her lost and alienated, a soldier who had deliberately suppressed her femininity with no idea how to cope. Together, these experiences triggered a mental health crisis that led her to become suicidal, battling PTSD, betrayed and abandoned by the institution to which she had devoted seven years of her life.
Since leaving the army, Gemma has been on a long, hard and bumpy road to recovery with the support of her family. This is her story in her own words. She has told it to inspire a fierce and urgent call for change.
Gemma Morgan is an inspiring keynote speaker and leadership consultant with over 25 years’ experience across the military, business and elite sport. The founder of Morgan Eight Ltd, she is called upon for expert opinions on a range of subjects including women in leadership, resilience, and what it takes to build a high-performing team. Gemma began her career as an Army Officer and was the first woman to be awarded the Carmen Sword from HRH Princess Royal. She was Captain of the Wales lacrosse team, gaining 85 Caps and ranked the ‘Most Valuable player in Europe’ at the 1997 Games. Gemma took part in the BBC TV documentary Gareth Malone and the Invictus Games Choir and her story recently featured in the ‘Road to Recovery’ Exhibition at the National Army Museum, London. Gemma campaigns for mental health awareness and is an ambassador for the charity Help for Heroes.